Mindfulness Practices Make Mindfulness... Routine

Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”   ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

Recently I was asked what makes mindfulness practices different from other practices like running, weight lifting, or playing a musical instrument.  On one hand, there is no difference as they are all activities that one practices to gain some level of skill.  The real difference is more personal, measured by the level interest one may have, the possible benefits of a regular practice, and if those benefits are something one values.

For those who are curious and interested, I would suggest that mindfulness, when practiced with intention, can provide physical and emotional benefits that lead to greater quality of life.  Training your mind to stay grounded in the present is a skill that can help you enjoy wonderful moments with your friends or family, protect you from irrational or inflexible thinking, help you stay focused during critical times, and able to manage stress with less distress. 

Mindfulness can also take on many different forms. Whether you prefer the formal practice of meditation, or a more informal approach such as paying attention on purpose in everyday life, you are cultivating a mindful state of mind.  Once learned, mindfulness practices are often free and easily accessible to anyone. There are numerous phone apps (Headspace; Calm) and many websites that provide guided meditations at your fingertips, and at no extra charge     (http://marc.ucla.edu/meditation-at-the-hammer).

Mindfulness practices won’t make things perfect in your life, but practice will make mindfulness more routine.  An added benefit is that this may mean living with less judgment, more patience, a willingness to see things differently and from new perspectives, greater trust in your self, acceptance, and the capacity to let things GO! 

One minute, two minute, 10 minute or 30 minute mindfulness meditations... What do you have to lose but a few moments in time?

Seven Mindfulness Attitudes = Your Real Core Power

Next time you practice mindfulness in any form, consider practicing with intention and some serious attitude! 

Inherent in mindfulness practices is the cultivation of seven core attitudes:  Non-judging, patience, beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, acceptance, and letting go.  Whether you are new to the practice or already maintaining a daily mindfulness routine, understanding and embracing these foundational attitudes is your power to unlocking the gifts of mind, body, and the present moment:

1. Non-judging

Our minds assess and judge endlessly. It’s part of our evolutionary development and necessary for our fight or flight response to danger or threat. But some judgments on a personal level become repetitive and unhelpful, and may lead to one’s general sense of not being good enough.

Non-judging is about becoming an “impartial witness” to our own experience by developing an awareness of our insistent judging of ourselves, our experiences, and of others.  In mindfulness practices, we pay attention, but in a particular way, from a more neutral point of view. Be curious and let the judgments go!

2. Patience

Patience is the act of understanding that things will unfold in their own time, even when we don’t see immediate results.  It’s about giving yourself permission to take the time and space necessary for mindful practices, without attachment to any particular outcome, and just see what unfolds.

3. Beginner’s Mind

Too often we let our beliefs and what we know blind us from seeing things just as they are.  In mindfulness practices, we try to cultivate a “beginner’s mind,” in which we see everything as if for the first time, without any preconceived expectations. Who knows?  Your new perspectives may lead to new beginnings.

4. Trust

Developing basic trust in yourself and your feelings is integral to meditation training. It’s better to trust your own intuition, even if you make some mistakes along the way, than to always look outside yourself for direction.  Be open and receptive to what you can learn from other sources, but ultimately, the intention is to find your own wisdom from within, and to trust in that unfolding.

5. Non-Striving

Though meditation takes a certain kind of work and energy, essentially it is non-doing. We may say to ourselves, “if only I could relax, be a better meditator, have a healthier body, etc. Then I would be ok.” Suggesting an idea of how we should be implies that “right now, I’m not okay just as I am.”

Non-striving is not the same as no effort. It’s more about being present with intention while letting go of the results. This is the most difficult mindfulness attitude to embrace because almost everything we do, we do with purpose or a goal in mind.

In the meditation domain, however, goals are more effectively gained by backing off from striving and focusing more carefully on seeing and accepting things as they are. Acceptance creates a touchstone for growth, but more on that below….

6. Acceptance or Acknowledgement

Acceptance means seeing things as they actually are in the present moment. 

Whatever your present physical, emotional, or spiritual state, if you don’t want to remain stuck in a frustrating, vicious cycle of wanting things to be different, you might realize that this is the only time you can love and accept yourself. Remember, this is the only time you have for anything. An important caveat to acceptance is that it does not mean that you have to like everything, or that you have to take a passive attitude and abandon your principles. It is simply a willingness to see things as they are right now. We remind ourselves to be receptive and open to whatever we are thinking, feeling, or seeing, and accept it because that is the key to change, healing, and sustainable growth.

7. Letting Go – Letting Be

As we start paying attention to our inner experiences, we discover a pattern of certain thoughts, feelings, or past experiences that the mind seems to want to hold on to. If they are pleasant, we try to prolong and stretch them out, bringing them up -  again, again, and again. If they are unpleasant, we may try to get rid of them, or protect ourselves from them by pushing them away -  again, again, and again.

In a meditation practice, we put aside our tendency to elevate the good aspects of our experience and reject the not so good aspects. When we become aware of the mind’s impulses to dwell, grasp, or push away, we recognize them and choose not to pursue them any further. We just observe and let go, or notice, and let things be.  Imagine what some aspects of life would be like, if you could let go or let things be?

It's a practice.

Adapted from Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Attitudinal Foundations of Mindfulness Practice

Alternate Nostril Breathing… Possibly one of the best antidotes to stress

Alternate Nostril Breathing.... is a simple yet powerful technique that is particularly helpful in s-l-o-w-i-n-g down racing thoughts, bringing your mind out of the past, building attention and focus in the present, and cultivating a sense of relaxation in the entire body.

Whether you’re nervous about a project or presentation, anxious about a conversation, worried about an important exam, need to stay focused, or generally stressed out, alternate nostril breathing is an easy and effective way to bring you back to center and tap into your own body’s natural stress-reduction mechanisms. 

Next time you find yourself feeling too many pressures of daily living, move through a few rounds of alternate nostril breathing. It’s a great way to hit the reset button for your mental state and keep you on track for the rest of your day.

Alternate Nostril Breathing:

1.    Take a comfortable seat, making sure your spine is straight and your heart is open.

2.    Relax your left palm comfortably into your lap and bring your right hand just in front of your face, with your thumb and ring (or pinky) finger extended up.

3.    Take one deep breath in and out through your nose.

4.    Press your right thumb on your right nostril and press gently to close.

5.    Inhale through the left nostril slowly and steadily, for a count of 4.

6.    Close the left nostril with your ring finger so both nostrils are held closed; retain your breath at the top of the inhale for a brief pause (2-4 counts).

7.    Open your right nostril and release the breath slowly, for a count of 4. Pause briefly at the bottom of the exhale.

8.    Inhale through the right nostril, 4 slow counts.

9.    Hold both nostrils closed, with ring finger and thumb (2-4 counts).

10.   Open your left nostril and release breath slowly, for a count of 4. Pause briefly at the bottom.

Repeat 5-10 cycles, slowly, with intention, allowing your mind to follow your inhales and exhales. Its nice to do this practice with your eyes closed, but if you feel more comfortable with your eyes open, just keep your gaze soft and to the floor.

Note: Steps 5-10 represent one complete cycle of alternate nostril breathing. If you’re moving through the sequence slowly, one cycle should take you about 30-40 seconds.

PS… The Alternate Nostril Secret:  Feel free to try this practice “in your mind,” without using your right thumb and pinky/ring finger. Just imagine… same actions, same benefits, without anyone else knowing!

Inhale left nostril (4 counts), hold (2-4 counts), exhale right nostril (4 counts).

Inhale right nostril (4 counts), hold (2-4 counts), exhale left nostril (4 counts).  

Repeat for 5-10 cycles, at any time, in any place.

It’ll be your secret.

The Sense of a Beginnning...

How do you know if your therapy experience is the beginning of something? The sense of a beginning, is best understood by paying attention to how and what you feel during the time you spend in session. It's a bit like that phrase, "its not what she says, but how she makes you feel," that relates most to the beginning of something special in therapy.

The therapist meets you where you are and together, you work on developing into the person you want to be. It's a collaborative process.

The therapist recognizes what you are feeling deeply, tapping into what you need most in the time you work together. Perhaps you feel heard and understood for the first time. 

The therapist reflects back to you, how and why you might be feeling a certain way, even if it was out of your own conscious awareness.  Somehow she is able to feel into your subjective experience in a way that no other person has, convey this experience to you, and help you know yourself a little bit better in the process.

The therapist helps you understand how you got to be the person you are, including your strengths and your challenges, yet the process of knowing unfolds with kindness, compassion, and non-judgment. You feel understood.

The therapist notices and conveys a sense of aliveness, deadness, or somewhere in between, which seems to help you understand parts of yourself like never before.

The therapist helps you gain insight in to your patterns of connecting or disconnecting with others. This new perspective-taking comes with greater self and social awareness, two mental assets that matter significantly in how you navigate in life.

The therapist makes it known that you are not alone; she is with you and you can borrow whatever you need for your own growth and development. 

"We are on this path together. Borrow my strengths until they become yours."

Warm regards,

Rebecca 

DBT. I’ve Heard About It. But What Is It??

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is a mindfulness-based, cognitive behavioral therapy approach that focuses on building skills to improve the quality of one’s life. Based on the belief that real change is possible, DBT was originally developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan of the University of Washington in Seattle to help individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder reduce suicidal and other self-harming behaviors.  Although the strongest evidence exists for DBT as a treatment for individuals with this disorder, DBT has been found to be effective for a variety of individuals who have significant difficulties managing their emotions.

Although I often integrate DBT principles in individual therapy, DBT skills are also taught in a group environment and include weekly homework assignments, review of homework, and new skills learning.  The main advantages of building skills in a group format is that group members quickly learn they are not alone in their struggles and they profoundly learn how to use the skills from each other.  Whether introduced in individual or group work, there are four skill-building components in DBT:

1.     Mindfulness: to build self and social awareness (two mental assets that matter significantly in how we navigate the world)

2.     Emotion Regulation: to be able to accept and manage difficult emotions such as anger and sadness, and reduce unhealthy behavioral urges

3.     Distress Tolerance: to be more capable of dealing with crises or other difficult situations without making them worse

4.     Interpersonal Effectiveness: to improve self esteem, get your objectives met, learn how and when to say no, and build lasting relationships

For a confidential phone consultation on how DBT-informed psychotherapy might help you manage your emotions, tolerate stress with less distress, or improve your relationships, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

The Pros and Cons of Mindfulness

Recently in one of my mindfulness meditation groups, we discussed the meaning of being mindful vs mindless.  We agreed that they are both secular, mental techniques but with very different outcomes. We reviewed the definition of mindfulness as “paying attention on purpose, to the present moment, with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with whatever comes up.”  As a group, we defined mindlessness as “doing things without thinking, being on automatic pilot, not paying attention, doing one thing while thinking about something else, being in habit-mode.”

The mindful practice of accepting things as they are, in the moment, without judgment, doesn’t mean one agrees with the way things are, nor does it imply a lack of motivation for change.  It’s more of a touchstone, a place to begin the process of personal growth and transformation.

Finally, we put together a pros and cons list for practicing mindfulness vs staying mindless (see below). I may be biased, but it seems like there is a huge amount of personal satisfaction that one can cultivate with healthy habits of the mind. What do you think?

Pros of Being Mindful: You can actually enjoy what you are doing. Your relationships are enriched. You can enjoy better connections and fewer misunderstandings with others because you actively listen, rather than allow your mind to wander elsewhere. You may build greater focus, attention, and a capacity to stay calm under pressure. You may feel more confident, more in control, and have greater participation in all areas of life. You may be able to tap in to gratitude, acceptance, and less judgment of the who, what, where, when, and whys of life. You may experience greater self and social awareness, two mental assets that help significantly in regulating mood and emotions.

Cons of Being Mindful: It takes work, practice, and personal effort. Its just another thing you should do. Sometimes, being more aware can actually increase personal frustration or judgment.  It doesn't always help. It won't make problems go away. 

Pros of Staying Mindless:  Its easier. You don't have to change. You can keep your "head in the sand." Sometimes there is an immediate satisfaction when acting on urges without considering consequences.

Cons of Staying Mindless:  If your mind is not in the present, it's likely stuck somewhere in the past, the future, or in constant evaluation of how things should be. You miss out on really meaningful moments in that are happening right now. You may experience more interpersonal conflict, more misunderstanding among family members, friends, and colleagues. Emotional reactivity thrives in mindlessness, often making problem solving difficult and challenging situations worse. Lack of self and interpersonal awareness affects social, emotional, academic, and occupational functioning. Mindlessness is missed opportunity in the making.

If you have any questions on the benefits of mindfulness practices, please feel free to email me at rjs0825@gmail.com

I’d love to hear from you.

Warm regards,

Rebecca

Mindfulness Group for Teens Starting Soon

Who says teens can't be mindful?

Adolescence is bursting with growth and maturation, yet for many teens, their internal world is one of insecurity, anxiety, and feeling disconnected.  These years may be challenging for many reasons, including peer pressure and a new level of emotional intensity.  But they are also a time of great courage, creativity, and personal exploration.

So how can teens make the most of their positive qualities, and navigate their internal and external worlds with greater confidence and stability? Mindfulness practices help teens understand themselves from the “inside out.”  By learning the art of staying grounded in the present, teens cultivate greater self awareness, a skill that matters significantly in regulating emotions, managing stress, and feeling better overall.

For any teen (age 15-18), who would like to experience the benefits of mindfulness, please consider joining my Mindfulness for Teens group. This 10-week group will run on Wednesday evenings, from October 4-December 6, from 5-6pm.  It will take place at my office at 910 Skokie Blvd, Suite 211, Northbrook, and the cost is $250. Based on practices from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and tailored to teens, each session will include a discussion about different aspects of mindfulness, time for Q&A, and a guided mindfulness meditation.

For more information, please contact me at 224-408-0115 or send me an email at rjs0825@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW

www.thrivepsychotherapyllc.com

Toxic Thoughts… And How To Stop Them

“I’m not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough. I don’t deserve love, attention, recognition, friendship. I should be more popular, more successful, better organized, less afraid.”

These are toxic thoughts. They invade one’s thinking and feel very real. The only truth about them is that they are just thoughts, not facts. If you believe the famous adage, “what you think, you become,” toxic thoughts become a part of the self, affecting how we feel, and how we navigate through life. They encourage hiding behaviors, and prevent us from truly being seen and valued by others and ourselves.  

The question remains, how can you stop them? Our minds are designed to think, so stopping the process of thinking certainly isn’t an option. However cultivating an awareness of what you are thinking, in the moment, looking for evidence, and practicing a little gratitude begins the process of transformation from toxicity to truth, from depletion to potential, from hopelessness to possibility.

So pay attention to what you are thinking, and say to yourself, “I am enough. I have enough.”  Acknowledge what is really true and point your thoughts in the direction of gratitude, from everything that is wrong in your life, to being enough, to having enough, in this moment. 

Cultivating awareness with truth and gratitude doesn’t preclude you from making bigger changes in your life. It’s more about acknowledging what enough looks like for you right now.  When you consistently come from a place of being and having enough, you feel better and you interact with others more authentically. It’s an attractive quality in cultivating friendships, seeking romantic relationships, providing the responsiveness necessary for healthy child development, and in promoting professional growth. 

Practicing gratitude won’t change the real challenges in your life. Those issues need to be addressed with genuine grit and problem solving skills. Practicing awareness of thoughts, however, looking for evidence for what is true, and redirecting thoughts in the direction of gratitude is a great start.

Enough may be your bridge from toxic thinking to experiencing life with greater abundance overall.  

“I am enough. I have enough.”

“I am enough. I have enough.”

Three Sips of Air

There are many reasons we need to slow things down from time-to-time.  Perhaps you need to address an issue with someone with whom you have difficulties.  Maybe you are feeling anxious about a presentation you are about to make, a person you are about to meet, and you just need to gather up some needed reserves of wisdom or courage.  Or it may be that you just need to make space for momentary change.

Whatever the reason, give yourself the gift of “taking three sips of air.”

IH… a little… hold just a second

IH… a little more… hold just a second

IH… a little more to completely fill your lungs… hold just a second

Exhale, S – L – O – W – L – Y

Again..

IH… a little… hold just a second

IH… a little more… hold just a second

IH… a little more to completely fill your lungs… hold just a second

Exhale, S – L – O – W – L – Y

Repeat three more times for five complete rounds…

Be present, curious, and open to whatever unfolds. The mindfulness practice of “taking three sips of air” can create enough space for feeling stronger, more focused, and ready to engage with confidence.

The First Therapy Session: What a Therapist Thinks

Many individuals attend a first therapy session wondering what the experience will be like; others are well-versed in the therapeutic process from years of engagement with other providers. Either way, it is reasonable to assume that a therapist will want to know what brought you to therapy, why now, and what change you hope to accomplish from doing the work.  Hopefully, your concerns will be met with a responsiveness that makes you feel heard, understood, and open to the process that is about to unfold.

The following questions inform my thinking in first sessions with clients:

1. What brings you here today?  (your problem or concern)

2. Why now?

3. How often and in what ways does this problem impact your life?

4. Overall, how would you describe your moods?  (sad, mad, hopeless, or stuck)

5. What makes you feel better?  How have you coped in the past?

6. Have you ever been in therapy before? 

7. What is one thing you remember most about the time you spent with your previous therapist?

8. What positive changes would like to see in your life? 

9. How well do you get along with others?  (spouse, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues)

10. What are your strengths? 

11. What are your biggest areas of vulnerability?

12. What do you hope to achieve from the therapy process? 

13. How will you know when we are done? What will your life look like?

The process of psychotherapy helps individuals learn more about themselves and the way they experience their world.   It can support the development of healthy self–esteem, resiliency even in times of stress, and a greater capacity to thrive in all areas of social, emotional, academic, and occupational endeavors.

For a confidential phone consultation on how psychotherapy might provide benefits to you, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

Warm regards,

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW