The Stories We Carry

No one is immune from the experience of pain at some point in their life, but meditation practices may ease the mental suffering that often accompanies it. 

Pain can be experienced on a somatic level due to physical illness or injury, or experienced on the emotional level from depression, anxiety, grief and loss, self-criticism, peer or other relational pressures.  Pain is inevitable. Whether or not one suffers is another matter. 

The biggest difficulty is not the pain itself; it’s the story we carry about our pain that creates the most suffering. “I will never feel better.  This headache will never stop.  This feeling will never go away. I can’t do anything right.  I’m just not good enough.” Sound familiar?  From a mindfulness perspective, it's important to differentiate pain from suffering because how we relate to painful sensations, plays a powerful role in moderating our level of suffering, and ultimately, the quality of our life.

Mindfulness practices don’t change one’s physical or emotional pains, but they may provide a thinking environment that helps one tolerate difficulties with greater resilience.  Formal mindfulness practices, like meditation, train your mind to notice the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations as they emerge. With awareness, one can choose how to respond to life’s struggles, rather than be consumed by patterned thoughts or behaviors that often make things worse.

Sitting in meditation for as little as 10 minutes a day can help change the stories you carry from those of hopelessness, to stories with a beginning, middle, and end.  Two of my favorite resources for mindfulness meditations are Headspace, a convenient phone app, and the guided meditation podcasts provided by the UCLA Mindfulness Research Center @ http://marc.ucla.edu/meditation-at-the-hammer

If you have any stories on how meditation practices have eased your suffering and improved the quality of your life, please let me know. I would love to hear from you at rjs0825@gmail.com

Warm regards,

Rebecca

The Gifts of Managing Family Screen Time...

Imagine giving your children the gifts of more creative play, more physical activity, connection with others, and the opportunity to learn from experiences besides the media.  Here are five tips to moderate your family's screen time that will help provide the sense of structure, consistency, and support that is so necessary for their healthy development:

1)   Kids learn from watching parents:  Model the behavior you want to see.

2)   Clarify what “screen time” means in your house:  Does it include time in front of TV, computers, video games, and/or tablets? Does it include all time spent in front of any screen, or just screen time after homework is complete?

3)   Decide on a schedule for screen time during the week and on the weekends:  "Device-free" meals are one great place to start. Some parents limit screen time on school days to 30 minutes, but will allow 2 hours on the weekends.  Other families have a "phone curfew," and collect cell phones before bed to encourage a good night's sleep. You have to decide what you are comfortable with and make sure everyone in your family is clear about what the plan means for them. 

4)   Pay-to-play options:  Some families tie different activities to screen time such as homework, chores, reading, practicing instruments, physical activity, etc.  For example:  Children have to complete all their daily chores, or all their homework, before engaging in leisurely screen time.

5)   Safety:  You will want to talk to kids about the risks of using technology such as experiencing violent or inappropriate content, cyber bullying, and internet addiction. Make sure they know what to do if they feel threatened in any way.  There are parental control apps that limit internet access, but keeping the lines of communication open with your children is the best way to keep them safe.

PRESS PAUSE .....

Press pause and breathe .... whenever you feel a sense of overwhelm by family challenges, peer pressure, demands at work, past regrets, future worries, or the stress from feeling “should upon” in many areas of your life.  

Throughout the day, pause and take a deep breath or two, not thinking about your breath but feeling your breath in your body. Perhaps give it a try, right now.  Take a long, slow inhale through the nose, feeling your chest expand..... and exhale s l o w l y through the mouth, feeling a sense of letting go.  Take another deep inhale, feeling the fullness of your breath as it fills your body, and exhale s l o w l y, feeling a gentle softening or release.  

Press pause and breathe .... as many times as you like during the day, and just notice how you feel afterward.  It might just feel something like, "ahhhhhhhh!"

“How Can Therapy Help Me?”

A helpful therapeutic relationship can make you feel more alive, more connected, and more secure. It can help you feel listened to and understood in ways that strengthen how you feel about yourself. It can help you tolerate stress with less distress. It can help you navigate significant transitions and work through feelings of sadness and loss. It can help you heal from toxic, deeply engrained effects of trauma and other early experiences. It can help you find your own voice and break down barriers that prevent you from achieving your true potential. It can help you gradually change longstanding patterns of thinking or behaving, and ultimately, improve the way you navigate life. 

If you are curious and motivated to do the work, therapy can be a challenging and very rewarding experience. For a free confidential phone consultation, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

How to Tame Your Inner Narrator...

Our minds are designed to think, wander off, and think again.  Whether or not you are aware of it, the human mind narrates constantly, thinking about what part of a project to tackle next, what to eat for lunch, or the best way to get from here to there. Sometimes the inner narrator is rather neutral, as in the previous examples. But for some, the inner narrator is full of criticism, anger, judgment, or comparison, leaving one stripped of hope, clear thinking, and the ability to live life to its fullest.

So how can you tame this inner narrator, and perhaps provide a buffer between thoughts of who you think you are and the real you?

Mindfulness practices can be this buffer. By noticing what’s happening in your mind (and body), moment-by-moment, you may not get as carried away by the stories you tell yourself. Just imagine what it would be like to notice anger as it emerges and not lose your temper, or notice unhelpful thoughts as they intrude, and not let them yank you around. Mindfulness practices make the act of noticing, sitting with, and letting go very possible.

To begin taming your inner narrator, start with a simple PAUSE, every once in awhile.  Notice what you are thinking or feeling in that moment, use your words to name it.  Ask yourself, “is this useful?”  If not, let it go.

#Tametheinnernarrator

The Science Behind Mindfulness

Train the Mind. Change the Brain.

Only a few decades ago, scientists considered the brain to be fixed and unchangeable by the end of adolescence (mid-20's). Then came the notion of "neuroplasticity," or the capacity of the brain to change with new experiences throughout the life span.

Mindfulness practices are increasingly being utilized to cultivate attention in the here and now, providing a concrete path for neuroplasticity, or changes in the structures and function of the brain.  Meditation practices work to train your mind on what you are thinking and feeling in the moment, and result in changing the structures and functions of the brain, allowing you to respond more thoughtfullty, rather than react in patterned ways that make things worse.

Research findings support that a regular mindfulness meditation practice helps the brain switch more naturally from a fight or flight response (driven by the amydala and sympathetic nervous system) to a more balanced emotional response (by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system). In fact, research supports the fact that as little as two weeks of a regular meditation practice can produce measurable changes in the structures of the brain.

If you would like to learn more about the science behind mindfulness, take a look at these videos of researchers Dr. Richard Davidson and Dr. Sarah Lazar.  If they don't crack the skeptic in you, no one will! 

Meditation, Science & The Mind - Pt. 1 - Dr. Richard Davidson - Benefits of Meditation on the Brain.

Transform Your Mind, Change Your Brain

Dr. Sara Lazar: The Impact of Mindfulness Training on Brain Plasticity and Cognition

Mindfulness for Skeptics

Mindfulness is everywhere.  It refers to the skill of being able to notice what is going on in your mind and body, in the moment, without getting too caught up in it. The game changing proposition is that by practicing mindfulness, you may be able to respond to situations more calmly and with clarity, rather than reacting to situations in ways that make things worse. Think about it, if you don't get highjacked by the stories you tell yourself or by overwhelming emotions you feel, you may be less likely to lose your temper, and more likely to handle difficult situations with confidence and grace.  Another upside is that you will be more present and capable of enjoying life as it unfolds, moment by moment.

Mindfulness practices build emotional and social intelligence, mental assets that matter significantly in how one navigates life. But it's one of those practices that needs to be experienced to fully understand how it might impact your life.  

If there is a mindfulness skeptic in you, perhaps the raw science behind mindfulness will allow you to be more open to it.  More to come on that!

"Prioritize Your Needs"

Sometimes you can't decide how to approach a difficult exchange with your friend, colleague, parent, employee, teacher, relative, boss, or spouse.... Very often situations like this involve having to ask for something or say no to someone. Either way, it can be very tricky...

Pulling from my experience in facilitating Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills groups, consider taking a moment to prioritize your needs before you dig in to the challenge. Do you need to: 1. Get your objectives met?? 2. Maintain the relationship?  or 3. Maintain your self esteem?  How you prioritize your needs will often change the degree to which you ask for something, say no, or respond to the needs of others. Prioritizing your needs might even help you get your own objectives met more effectively.

Let me know how it worked for you!  Send me your story at rjs0825@gmail.com

PeRfECTly IMperfect

Good. Bad. Perfect. Imperfect. One doesn’t come without the other.  How often do your personal challenges or perceived imperfections get in the way of feeling good about yourself?  Have you ever considered the ways in which imperfections are actually necessary for feeling vital, alive, human, and connected to others?  It’s just a different way of looking at things, and looking at things differently can certainly start the process of feeling better overall.

Consider for a moment, the ways in which you may have grown stronger from having to study harder than others, pay closer attention to your health, budget your resources differently, or survive the chaos of everyday life because certain things didn’t go as planned. Imperfections allow reservoirs of courage to show up in both subtle and determined ways.  Perhaps looking at them differently will create space for change in ways that will allow you to celebrate the “perfectly imperfect” all of you.

Shame Thrives in Secrecy...

Brene' Brown, a best selling author, researcher, and social work professor at the University of Houston, states that shame needs three things to grow:  secrecy, silence, and judgment.  

Is there something about me, that if you knew, you wouldn't want to be my friend, colleague, or partner anymore?  Think about it....  People often tuck away shame to protect themselves from what they really fear..... disconnection. Individual therapy can offer a place to unravel the secrecy of shame in one's life, in a supportive and non-judgmental way.  It is a collaborative process that involves moving slowly, with openness and curiosity, and providing a safe space for one to explore feelings of vulnerability as they emerge.

As your therapist, I will be with you in this process. We will work together to disarm your shame stories and encourage your growth towards connection and a life that feels more vital and alive. For a confidential phone consultation, please contact me at 224-408-0115, or email me at: rjs0825@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you.

Rebecca Strauss, LCSW